Parents are born in so many ways.
« We wanted this baby to somehow have both of our bloodlines, but thought it was impossible… »
« My wife and I wanted a baby for so long. We wanted this baby to somehow have both of our bloodlines, but didn't think it was possible until I called my brother, Danny. His words were 'Sis, why would I not give you this gift? You helped raise me, I turned out well. You're an amazing godmother to my child and want you to have this gift too.'
« Noah, our son, is thriving. He just had his nine-month checkup, took his first steps, and can say four words already. He claps and throws balls and is just a happy baby. What seemed like an impossible dream is my reality. Each day I am grateful and thankful for the gift my brother gave us. My son. I could never give him something as amazing, but a lifetime of gratitude.
—Mal Vasquez, Facebook
« I realized I wasn’t just going to wake up pregnant. »
« I’d always promised myself I’d be a dad by the time I was 40. By 41 I realized I’d
been a self-indulgent gay and that I wasn’t just going to wake up pregnant. I pursued adoption first and completed the certification process but I still felt that
biological tug. I asked a single lesbian friend if she’d be interested in donating eggs. She agreed and I started the hunt for a gestational surrogate.
« After interviewing a bunch and some false starts, I found one who embraced the process: a military wife who was born in Iraq but now lived in San Diego with her husband and two kids.
« During the IVF process, my egg friend decided she’d like to be more involved. It wasn’t unexpected as I’d left the door open to co-parenting, which is like what a divorced couple does — except ours was by design. Oh, and during the process, my friend started dating another woman and they got married after same-sex marriage became legal.
« Now 10 months later, Dominik has no clue about the convoluted backstory to how he got here. He just knows that he’s surrounded by tons of love and, yes, a bunch of
gays who are gaga for him. »
—Michael Bellavia, via email
« I’ve never been very good at the expectations set by straight people. »
« We started our family with the standard lesbian starter kit: legal marriage, anonymous sperm, and a gender neutral–named baby surrounded by handmade wooden toys. We ended our family with the same kit: amicable divorce, co-parenting with minimal drama, and 50-50 custody.
« I knew I'd be a parent, but I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know that by being queer, I'd get to opt out of so many of the parenting expectations set up by straight people. I've never been very good at the expectations set by straight people. As a nonbinary trans divorced parent, my kid and I get to figure it out as we go. She's all princess and gender theory, so I'll let her lead. We'll be just fine. »
—Casey Brown, via email