Please don’t talk to me about poo.
For whatever reason, you do not find poo jokes funny.
You're aware that the rest of the world seems to find them hilarious, but you just don't.
And no matter how hard you try to find toilet humour funny, you fail every single time.
The process of excretion is gross. Sorry, but it is.
But because everyone else in the world loves joking about poo so much, you’ve perfected the old ~smile and nod~ routine.
You know how to switch off your brain so you can't hear anything while also appearing amused and engaged.
On at least one occasion in your life, you have said « omg I am so full », someone has answered « just go and do a big poo, » and you have visibly retched.
Can you not.